A Penny For Your Thoughts...

3/24/11

I just want someone to finally see me for who I am. To get to know me. To see past everything that’s is so obvious. To love me. Is that really too much to ask?

I LIKE YOU. And all I want is for you to feel the same.

3/5/2011

I’m more excited for premonition than people can imagine. I honestly can’t wait for september to roll around and auditions to take place. And in all serious, I feel like I’m more excited for these auditions than I was when I made world guard in 09. Not that the jacket doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, because it will always hold a special place in my heart, but I don’t feel front now what I did when I received it. I feel like I’m planning EVERYTHING around premonition. But I don’t mind because I want it so bad. Legit, the people wjo spin for premonition are so nice too. I really feel like im going to love it, and i’ll finally have that place where I truly fit in.

Premonition 2012, look out! =]]]

3/2/2011

So it has come, again, the time to sign up for housing. And once again, my name will be on the top of that application. And once again, under the “preferred roommates” category, a name and panther ID will be placed. And yet, I am in such a different place than I was, not even a year later. It wont be Kristina’s name which fills those lines, the one who’d initially piqued my interest in housing at FIU, but instead her name will be replaced by Megan and Brittany. I couldn’t be more excited, really; and not even just because I will be living with the two people who I have grown closest to this past year at University. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great thing, but what really puts a smile on my face is that everything that strained me not two or three weeks ago has all seemingly dissolved. So i may have to take classes over the summer, no big deal. So I may have to find a job on or around campus, in Miami, and probably not able to go home except for occasional weekends when Premonition’s practice has ended. No big deal. I am getting EVERYTHING that I want. A decent job, friends, a home away from home, living on campus, getting back into color guard through Premonition, where I will inevitably progress on my own accord, not held back by the chains and restraints in which my instructors have locked around my ankles. Everything is falling into place, and I couldn’t be more excited. And so, the race towards the end of Freshman year comes to a close, and the countdown to a new year, and a new chapter in my life begins.

Dear life, BRING. IT. ON.

<3

2/23/11

So it seems like once again, I will be giving up one want to pursue another. It’s nothing extraordinary, really; I just miss color guard so much, and maybe Premonition wont be Flanagan, but maybe that’s exactly what I’m looking for. Some place within the realm of color guard that I truly feel I belong. Because let’s face it, I didn’t belong at Flanagan. So I go forth, and I give up the one thing that’s most likely kept me sane through my transition from high school to college, living on campus. And sure, more than once it’s probably kept me from the point of breaking, being able to do what I want and need at anytime I see fit, sharing the night with friends/roommates who I will miss once next year rolls around, and just, in general, not being at home to endure the stresses of the fights, the medial tasks, and everything that goes along with them, and just being at a place that just doesn’t quite feel like “home” anymore. But maybe that’s what I need, too. The initiative to get up at the crack of dawn, and get in my car and go to school, no more late night trips, all-nighters, or missing class to sleep in because I was an idiot the night before. So I’m moving forward, and yes, maybe all of these scholarships I am applying for will pay off and I will be able to, once again, live on campus, but the fact and reality is, maybe they wont. I want Premonition, and if it means giving up the safe haven of living on campus, then so be it.

2/21/11

After all of the words, all of the hurt, all of the days I went home broken because of you, I will not take it anymore. I stopped doing what I love because I believed you when you told me I would never be good enough. But not anymore. This time next year, I will be doing what I love and no one will stop me. I will be the newest addition to Premonition Independent World Guard, and I couldn’t be more excited.

2/19/11

I’m really sick and tired of the way you treat me. Like I’m not good enough, like you can still talk to me the way you did when I was your little nothing puppet the way I was in high school. I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough for you back then, really B, I am. Because now you have it so ingrained in my head that i can’t get your words out. It’s to the point where I honestly and truly believe that I am not good enough to do what I love and miss. And it’s because of you. Because of the way you talk to me.
But this isn’t high school anymore. You don’t have control over me the way you did when you were my instructor. You don’t get to talk to me like you own me; now I get to walk away.

By the fucking way, I’m doing premonition next year. Enjoy watching me do everything you made me believe I couldn’t, and more. ;D